The Serpent Sandwich
Ulfinn had only ever wanted to be a wizard.
It was the reason for living, for eating. While the other boys had practiced at swordplay, or ran off to play games and speak to boys and girls, Ulfinn was in the library. Studying, as best he could. It was a rather pitiful effort. The wizards in the tower guarded their secrets so, only accepting those they believed they could train.
But Ulfinn was one such trainee. He knew he could be a student. He knew he could be a wizard. And on the day he finally turned thirteen, he knew he was ready.
“The boy’s a fool.”
Ulfinn readied his books and cloak. He ignored his mother’s cries, much as he had ignored them for the last five years.
“Yala, he is a dreamer,” his father insisted.
“He is a dreaming fool!” Yala cried. She stood in the doorway of their apartment, and glared at her son. “Dreaming of something that will never happen.”
Ulfinn bit back a curse, and said nothing.
“What, no spell?” Yala asked. “No curse for your dear mother? You’ve studied dozens of them, haven’t you? You know them all by heart, so why can’t you turn your stupid mother into a toad?”
“Yala!”
“He is not a wizard!” Yala shouted. She turned on her husband, eyes alight in fury. “And no matter how much you may indulge him, husband, the fact remains that the spark isn’t there. He will fail…”
Yala continued to berate her spouse, but Ulfinn could no longer hear. The second she had stepped out of her path he had slipped out the door, and was three blocks away before she could turn her attention towards his deficiencies yet again.
He could too be a wizard. It wasn’t a matter of inborn strength, or bloodlines. Wizardry was a matter of skill, and the willingness to hone it. And Ulfinn held such willpower. He would be able to survive. He would thrive.
The Tower of Wizardry in Ghalnist was a grand spectacle. It towered towards the heavens, far above the slums and apartment complexes that surrounded it. It was a noble act for the wizards to live in such filth. They brought class and reputation to the neighborhood. And the neighborhood brought the wizards a hefty discount on their property taxes. Not that that mattered at all.
For Ulfinn, it merely meant that he could see wizards every day. As he had walked to and from school, there they were. When he ran to the library, there were wizards, adding a new book to the collection. Wizards were not just everything to Ghalnist. They were the only thing that mattered.
He made his way to the door, and entered. As a thirteen-year-old he was no longer barred from entry. He could take the Test, and prove his worth. He could show who he truly was to the world.
“Next.”
Ulfinn rocked back and forth on his heels. Finally, a chance to see the hallowed hall. Portraits of former grand wizards danced along the walls. A spiral staircase, studded with rubies was on the other side of the chamber. Leading up to classrooms, and more libraries, and even wizard rooms!
“Hey!”
Ulfinn looked up. A scroll pointed down at him.
“You ready?
Ulfinn nodded, and smiled.
“Exam room three. Hurry up, got a long day.”
Ulfinn sighed, and made his way to the room. The door was wide open, revealing a dimly lit room. Ulfinn walked in, and looked around.
Inside were three real, actual wizards. Two women, dressed in long robes dotted with the constellations. One was a troll, who was examining an hourglass as the sands drifted upwards. The other a stream of liquid barely held together by robes as she tried to eat a sandwich.
The lone man was an old dwarf, his beard long aged to white. He snored from his seat, which was on the floor, just a few feet away from Ulfinn.
Ulfinn cleared his throat. “Um, hello.”
“Applying?” the dwarf asked.
“Yes, my name is…”
“Cast a spell.”
Ulfinn paled. “Um, I thought that’s what you were supposed to teach me.”
“Nope,” the troll said. “We hone what’s already there.”
“But…”
“Have you cast a spell?” the dwarf asked.
Ulfinn reddened.
“Fail. Next.”
“Wait!”
The viscous wizard paused in her meal and looked down. “Sorry, kid. We don’t have time for rookies.”
“No, that’s not fair!” Ulfinn shouted. “I want to learn to be a wizard.”
“I’d like a ham sandwich,” the girl said sadly. “Though I’m stuck with jelly.”
Ulfinn snarled. He grabbed at the sandwich, and shook it. “I want to learn!”
The jelly sandwich curled around Ulfinn’s wrist. He yelped, and tried to throw it away. The jam shook off the bread pieces, and wrapped itself around the boy’s arm. Dark, seedy eyes blinked up at him. Strawberry fangs revealed in a new mouth.
Ulfinn gulped, looking down at a jam-like serpent as it coiled around his arm. This wasn’t…this was impossible. He hadn’t cast a spell, he hadn’t even tried to do anything but take the wizard’s sandwich away.
The dwarf blinked his eyes open. “Well,” he muttered. “That’s different.”
“Help!” Ulfinn shouted. The serpent hissed, and wrapped itself around his shoulders. Ulfinn almost gagged on the smell of rhubarb.
“Sure thing, kid,” the troll said. “Looks like you passed, in spite of yourself. That’s one way to get in.”
“What?” Ulfinn asked. “You mean, I’m going to be a wizard?”
“If you don’t die first,” The watery wizard said. “Go back outside, they’ll set up a room for you.”
Ulfinn grinned. He held out his arm, proudly. “Great! You can take the sandwich back now.”
“Oh, no we can’t,” the dwarf said. “You made her. The snake’s stuck with you. Until you figure out how to get rid of her.”
Ulfinn paled.
“Be careful. She probably bites.”